This is a part of a series titled Self-Acceptance where I explain the process of self-portraits I have taken which started during lockdown. It explores themes of self-confidence, working with what you have, and accepting myself (duh). 

Most of the time, I'm a happy-go-lucky person. I tend to smile a lot, and everyone I know will probably describe me as just that. Always smiling and happy. However, as I've grown older, I've come to realize that I won't always feel 100%. Not in the physical sense. I'm talking mentally and emotionally. I don't know where it comes from or why it happens, but sometimes I just don't feel happy. I just feel drained from everything, and I can't shake the feeling. It sucks. Like some type of sadness that I can't describe has parked in the back of my mind and lingers. It randomly goes away.


It made me think of the concept of duality. I wanted to capture it through photography, and came up with the set for the cover photo, and then I mashed them up below:

As you can tell, I'm not smiling in the mash up because it looked funny trying to put it together. Like a weird crooked, half smile. Granted, this still works because I'm not always smiling when I'm happy, it's just a resting face to be honest. The look for the "sad" side was more of a gloomy, unkempt look while the right side was brighter and more polished. I even took it a step further with a more obvious contrast involving faith and morality:

I was actually debating on sharing this publicly. Even now I'm holding back my my description, but I told myself I'd be more self-accepting and honest with myself.


Here's the caption from my IG:


Most days, I feel like the guy on the right. Happy-go-lucky. Always smiling. Always positive. However, there are days and times where I feel like the guy on the left. Sad for no reason. Negativity out of nowhere. Not feeling it. Sometimes I just wake up that way and I don’t know why, but I’m trying to figure out how to accept, control, or understand myself. I’ve been sitting on this concept of duality and how it affects me. Wasn’t sure if I was going to post this, but I thought this photo set would help depict it. 


It sucks, but it happens, and that’s okay. 


I’m sure I’m not alone ❤️